


Should've Gone Decaf - An Unremarkable One-Shot

by Trexi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Identity Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23228986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trexi/pseuds/Trexi
Summary: Canon divergence from the end of Unremarkable’s Chapter 12 - And the Walls Come Tumbling Down. Peter reveals his identity to Bruce and Steve because he drank too much coffee and started crawling on the ceiling.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	Should've Gone Decaf - An Unremarkable One-Shot

**Author's Note:**

> Had a couple of requests to write this, so here it is. Reading Unremarkable first is highly recommended.

_Bruce sighs. “Okay, that’s all the coffee you’re getting tonight. Twenty minutes and I’m waking up Steve to send you home, Peter.”_

“No!” I swallow back something that tastes a little like dread and a lot like the coffee I’ve been guzzling. “Sorry, Bruce. It’s just that if I stop now, then I might not finish this at all, and I can’t risk that. I just can’t.”

“You look ten seconds away from either passing out from exhaustion or having a heart attack from all the caffeine,” Bruce says, crossing his arms and looking as unimpressed as a May who’s just caught me sneaking home late.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll just make myself another cup and in an hour or two I’ll take a break. Promise.”

Bruce shakes his head. “I’m getting Steve.”

“Please, Bruce. This is really important.”

“It always is,” he says, walking out of the lab with a DisappointedTM face.

My fingers twitch as if to stop him, but that would mean stopping my work, and that’s only allowed when retrieving more vital sustenance. At least with Bruce gone, I can use my powers to cross the room as fast as I can, and get another cup of my life source. I return to my table, while cradling my cup, and eye Doctor Connors’s modified DNA, hoping that if I glare hard enough, it’ll reveal all of its secrets to me. Something twinges at the edge of my frayed Spidey Sense, but it’s probably the coffee. There’s a chance, the tiniest possibility, that I maybe should’ve gone decaf, but if I had then I’d be asleep by now, and that’s unacceptable.

If I could just see where the splice went wrong, I could find a cure for Harry. It’s right in front of me. I know it is. I just need to see it.

“It’s another Tony,” Steve mutters, but just like Bruce, I hear it clear as day.

The only thing that keeps me from jumping onto the ceiling in surprise is my hand sticking to the table. I take a deep breath and unstick it, giving it a good glare to stop it from trying that again. My powers can’t start playing up now. I’ve got too much to do.

“Alright, Peter, that’s enough,” Bruce says.

I shake my head and take a sip. “It’s right there. I’ve just got to find it. It’s like the super soldier DNA version of _Where’s Wally_.”

A strong hand grips my shoulder. “Time to rest, son,” Steve says.

I shrug him off. “I’ve got to solve this.”

“I’m sure that it can wait until you’ve slept,” the super soldier says.

I take another sip. “Maybe. Maybe not. I can’t risk the not.”

“Peter,” Bruce says gently. “I thought this was just bothering you like an unsolved problem. You’re acting as if it’s urgent.”

Because it is. Harry’s sick. And if I can’t even figure this out, then how am I going to save him? He’s relying on me. Me! I have to help him. Losing him isn’t an option.

“I have to solve it,” I repeat, gripping my cup tighter.

Steve sighs. “I’m sorry for this, Peter, but it’s for your own good.”

My Spidey Sense screams. I move before I can think. Steve’s hand misses my arm by an inch, as I duck under him, flip backwards and use him as a springboard to reach the safety of the ceiling, coffee cup gently cradled against my chest. Huh. If I just look at the DNA sequence from this angle, then maybe…

“What the hell?” Steve shouts.

“Language,” Bruce mumbles.

I scuttle away from the noise and drain the rest of my coffee. The pot in this lab is empty, but if I head down the corridor, there should be another fresh one down there.

“Peter, get off the ceiling,” Bruce says, sounding a weird mix of exhausted and exasperated.

“Ceiling? How could I be on the ceiling?” I ask, sneaking past Captain America and the Hulk like the epic super spy I know I can be.

“What’s in that coffee?” Steve asks.

“Triple shot of expresso and ten spoons of sugar,” I answer, peering into the cup like it’ll magically refill. “We should invent self-refilling coffee cups.”

“Not happening,” Bruce says, picking up the mop we have for any spills and staring up at me.

I press myself against the ceiling a little closer and pretend that my spider DNA gives me camouflage powers.

Bruce hands the mop to Steve. “See if you can get him down,” he says, the absolute traitor.

Steve gives me a look that makes him look his age if he hadn’t been frozen in ice. He sighs and half-heartedly tries to knock me off the ceiling with the mop. I obviously don’t budge because I’m super-sticky and no mop shall ever beat the Amazing Spider-Man. Not that they know I’m Spider-Man, of course. These are only the effects of too much caffeine. Or just enough caffeine, depending on how you look at it. Steve hits my cup with the mop, and that’s the last straw. I growl, snatch the mop away from him, shatter its handle, and let it fall to the ground.

“Can’t we call Tony down here?” Steve asks.

Bruce rubs the bridge of his nose. “Peter, if you don’t get down now, we’ll call Tony. Is that what you really want?”

No.

I take a breath and try to shake off the sleep deprivation mixed with desperation and way too much caffeine.

“No,” I say, falling to the ground in a familiar crouch. “That won’t be necessary, Bruce.”

“You’re Spider-Man,” Steve says, holding a small bit of the broken mop.

I set down my cup. “Any chance of you keeping that to yourself?”

Steve looks between the mop shards, the cup, and me. “I’m not sure that I should,” he says.

“Well, then,” I say, as calmly as I can when everything is crashing down all over again just because I didn’t switch to decaf like a reasonable person. “I don’t see why I should leave if you’re going to out me. Might as well stay here and figure out what exactly went wrong with Doctor Connors.”

“Peter, what’s this all for?” Bruce asks. “Really?”

I stare at the holographic display and will my eyes to not water. “My best friend. If I can’t solve this, then he’s going to die.”

“That Osborn CEO?” Steve asks.

“Yes, Mr Rogers, _that Osborn CEO_ ,” I snap, whirling around. “Or did you not figure that out when you were helping stalk me not too long ago?”

Steve recoils. I shake my head.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “It’s just too much right now. I’ll be fine once I solve this.”

“And what if you can’t?” Steve asks, crossing his arms. “If you can’t save your friend, what does that mean for Spider-Man? Is he going to start losing control around civilians?”

A laugh rips out of my throat before I can stop it.

“Do you really think that I’d keep being Spider-Man if I lost him? Do you really think I could bring myself to do that when it’s my DNA that’s meant to be able to save him? Do you really think…?” I turn away and switch the display off. “You know what? Tell whoever you want. I’m heading back to Harry’s. I’ll keep working there.”

“Peter,” Bruce calls, as I stalk past him.

“What is it, Bruce?” I ask.

“Please take a break. Just put your head down for five minutes,” he says.

“Fine. But just so you know, if the public finds out my identity, I’m giving up the mask. There’s no way on Earth I’ll risk making more enemies if they can find out who my loved ones are.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says.

I pause at the door. “But you’re still going to tell the rest of the Avengers.”

“I am,” he admits. “We’ll keep it in-team.”

I nod. “Any chance you could keep it from Stark?”

Steve’s silence is all the confirmation that I need.

Well then. Time to tell Harry that I outed myself because I didn’t switch to decaf. He is so going to use this against me for years. I’m not mentioning the ceiling part though. Harry might actually burst something from laughing too hard.

**Author's Note:**

> Started out writing this to be pure humour, but the reason Peter was so hyped on coffee was too serious to just brush it aside.


End file.
